A Near Cattastrophy!
by jakefanatic
Summary: If you're in desperate need of a laugh or are just bored and need something to read please read this story. Jacob and Selmak have an out of body experience of sorts and Jack is just being Jack during the entire ordeal.


Intro:

I figure, if a man can turn into a rabbit (Wallace and Gromit) or a dog (Shaggy Dog) than any thing is possible. Of course, I have been influenced by far too many Disney movies. Some of my favorites involving cats…The Incredible Journey (the original with a narrator, no voices associated with the animals), the Cat from Outer Space (Jake was the kitty's name), The Lion King, Shrek 2, who can forget the mean cat from Babe, and one of my all time favorites…Milo and Otis. And oh yeah, I do own a cat.

So keep an open mind while reading this story and you'll be in for a good laugh.

* * *

When Sam and the rest of SG-1, along with Dr. Fraiser, arrived in the control room the Gate was already active. General Hammond stood behind Tech Sgt. Davis looking at the video feed from a probe that must have been sent before the team arrived.

"SG-1's geared up and ready to go, Sir," Colonel O'Neill announced, getting General Hammond's attention. "You gonna tell us what the mission is now, Sir?"

"Area looks secure, Sir," Davis told Hammond.

Sam managed a quick look at the video monitor, noticing a lush forest less than a mile from the probe, before Hammond turned to address them. Nothing appeared threatening on the video. However, General Hammond's solemn face said otherwise.

"Earlier this morning, Jacob and Selmak set out on a personal mission," he began to explain and immediately Sam was very concerned because Dad never mentioned anything about the mission. "The planet had been deserted for decades and was deemed used up or no longer viable to the Goa'uld. And the Goa'uld who had once ruled the planet has long been dead."

"That hasn't stopped them from just showing up before, Sir," O'Neill pointed out.

"An argument I had made with Jacob as well," Hammond continued. "However, he assured me that they would be fine since he and Selmak had been to this planet before on several occasions with no incidents. And they promised to return in six hours time. So I approved the mission."

"How over due is his team, Sir?" O'Neill asked.

"Jacob and Selmak went alone," Hammond answered. "And they're two hours over due. We've attempted to contact Jacob or Selmak via radio with no luck."

"Any chance of them being out of radio range?" Daniel asked, but Sam knew the answer to that question. Ever since her mother died, Dad has never been late for an appointment.

"That's a possibility. However, I am more concerned that they could be injured and unable to respond which is why Dr. Fraiser will be accompanying you," Hammond explained.

"Then we had better get moving, Sir," the Colonel suggested.

"My thoughts exactly," Hammond smiled. "Good luck."

With that said, the team quickly moved into the Gate room and through the Stargate. Once through, Sam found the climate to be refreshing and cool. The small sun was high in the sky. A slight breeze rustled through the trees ahead.

"The path leads through the trees, Sir," Sam pointed out, anxious to find her father.

"Seems like a good place to start," the Colonel smiled adjusting his cap and glasses. "Teal'c, why

don't you take point."

Teal'c nodded and took the point. Sam was behind him with Daniel and Janet behind her. The

Colonel brought up the rear.

"You know Carter, this is the third time we've had to save your Dad's ass this month!"

"According to my father, that first time didn't count because it was your fault we got into that firefight," she countered as they all started walking along the path.

"Jacob did insist that we strictly adhere to the native's customs," Daniel added with a smile.

"Sorry…I was thirsty! All I wanted was a drink of water. I had no idea it was Holy water," O'Neill replied.

"It was water for their God, it wasn't Holy water," Daniel corrected making Sam laugh to herself.

"Alright, I'll give him that. But it was our team that helped his team to escape from those Jaffa on P3X89. Right Carter?"

"Of course, Sir," she smiled back as the entered the forest.

There were many trees but the sunlight still shined brightly through the thin branches. The undergrowth was thick and the path was barely visible.

"AACHHUUU!" Daniel sneezed loudly.

"Bless you," Sam said politely.

Daniel sneezed again. As did Dr. Fraiser this time too.

"Daniel, I know you have allergies, but this isn't the first time we've been in a forest," O'Neill commented.

"I know…" Daniel said then sneezed.

Then Janet sneezed.

"What's your excuse?" the Colonel asked.

"I have allergies too," she answered.

"O'Neill…we are not alone," Teal'c announced from his point position bringing the team to a stop. "There is something in the underbrush. I can here it moving."

"An animal?" Daniel asked.

"Unknown," Teal'c responded. "It sounds like there are many of them."

They were quiet and heard something running away from them.

Both Daniel and Janet sneezed again. This time it sounded like lots of whatever this animal was had run away.

"It has to be some small critters," O'Neill said. "Let's keep moving."

They followed the path for a few more minutes until they emerged in a clearing with tall grass, knee high, where a stone ruin lay. At its center a large statue that looked like a woman's body with a lioness's head. Surrounding it were dozens upon dozens of cats lounging in the sun on the stones.

"That explains why Daniel and I've been sneezing," Janet commented as they stood there.

"Did I mention that I'm a dog person and that I'm not into cats," the Colonel remarked.

"In Ancient Egypt, cats were worshipped, even protected by laws," Daniel informed them. "There are even cat burial grounds were hundreds of cats were found mummified."

"What…no dog mummies?"

"Not unless they were owned by a Pharaoh and buried with him when he died," Daniel answered with a smile.

Before they got too off track, Sam suggested that they try to contact her father. She was worried about him. With no response to their hails, they decided to head for the ruins. Most cats scurried away as the team grew nearer. It wasn't until they were nearly next to the statue that Sam saw her father's body lying face down on the ground near the base of the statue.

* * *

Selmak jumped up, instantly awake. Something was way wrong, **_other_** than the pounding headache! She couldn't sense Jacob! She couldn't even feel his biorhythms. And when she tried reaching out to him with her mind there was **_nothing_** there!

Essentially, as far as Selmak knew, Jacob was gone!

'Relax, Sel,' she thought to herself. 'I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation…and it's **_all_** Jacob's fault!'

First Selmak decided to tend to her headache. There was no way she was going to be able to think straight when her head felt like it was about to explode. Only there was another colossal problem! Her senses couldn't pick up on the naquadah used in the healing process. In fact, her senses weren't working properly at all! She couldn't even pin point the source of her headache!

"Jacob!" she growled and was startled by her voice…it was…different.

Then it seemed like everything hit her senses at once! She could feel the warmth of the sun against her. The brightness of it caused her to squint her eyes as she looked up. She could even hear the wind rustling the treetops and could smell all kinds of aromas it carried.

Staring up at the treetops, Selmak was astounded at how high they seemed and how well she could see the vibrant colors so crisp and clear even in the shaded areas. Even the tall grass before her was…

"Holy Hannah! What the hell is going on here?" she questioned, noticing that the grass stood higher than her head.

Now, spending nearly seven years in her host, Selmak had grown accustomed to the view from Jacob's height, being that it was a head tall than any of her previous hosts. It was fun to look down at people for a change or at least look them eye to eye. However, unless the grass was gigantically tall, Selmak's perspective appeared to be from several inches above the ground.

A loud groan from behind caused her to whirl around.

Again, Selmak was stunned! The way she moved was so…**_nimble_** and **_quick_**. Nothing like her human host lumbering about.

Then something gently touched her backside. Selmak turned her head to see the grass hitting her tail.

TAIL!

Selmak turned a circle to the right and the tail followed. Again to the left and the tail still followed. And again, after three consecutive fast circles the tail was still there and an obvious part of her body.

Looking at her body she discovered it was covered with a short light blue-gray fur. Yes, fur! And the bottom of her feet had pink pads. Feet, more like paws! She was a…

"**_JACOB!_**"

* * *

A long loud howl close by made Jack turn away from the commotion around Jacob. Even Teal'c moved along with Jack.

"That cat doesn't sound happy," Jack snickered quietly to Teal'c.

"I did not know you could understand felines, O'Neill," Teal'c replied.

"Cats no. Dogs yes. Besides, dogs understand people and can follow orders. I've never seen a cat sit on command!"

"Sir, we need to get Jacob back to the SGC," Dr. Fraiser announced from her position kneeling beside Carter's Dad.

"Do you know what happened to him?" Jack asked, moving back towards her.

"No, Sir. He's alive. All his vital signs are strong and steady. I don't see any external injuries or anything to cause his condition. I would need to run some tests to determine what's wrong with him."

Fraiser had that look in her face. Jack knew from that look that there **_was_** something wrong with Jacob but she didn't want to say it in front of Carter.

"Alright, Teal'c, Daniel…there's a portable stretcher in the MALP…go get it," Jack ordered. "Keep your eyes open, just in case we're not alone. You know…there might be lions…and tigers…"

"And bears?" Daniel asked with a smirk.

"Just be careful," Jack told them.

"Understood," Teal'c nodded then he and Daniel walked off.

"Doc, is there anything we can do for Jacob right now?"

"No, Sir," Fraiser answered.

Jack frowned then turned to Carter.

"Carter, why don't you video the immediate area until Daniel and Teal'c get back," he said, believing that keeping Carter busy would take her mind off her father's condition. Jack waited until she had moved away then spoke quietly to Fraiser, "What's got you so worried?"

"He appears catatonic which is impossible for Jacob because of Selmak."

"Plus, Jacob's not the kind of person that would easily suffer some kind of psychological trauma," he added.

"Neither is Selmak. I'll know more when I get them hooked up to an EEG," she replied confidently.

"Thanks Doc…just do what you can for him now. I'm going to see how Carter's doing."

* * *

Jacob groaned softly due to the pounding headache he felt upon waking up. Within his mind, he instinctively he reached out to Selmak requesting that she take care of the pain. Only there was no response. No playful jibes. No sassy remarks. There was nothing! Not even a tingle or pressure sensation at the back of his neck!

'Great! Where the hell did she go?' he asked himself.

There was no where for her to go. They were alone on a planet with a bunch of cats!

"Jacob, are you awake?" a voice said.

Jacob opened his eyes as he slowly lifted his head. The action only caused more uncomfortable pain. And his vision was blurred when he opened his eyes. It took a few moments for them to focus on a blue-gray cat that was sitting in front of him.

"Look at what you did to me!" the cat's mouth moved, say phrase he's heard far too often from Selmak. "This is entirely **_your_** fault, Jacob!"

Jacob looked up and around. He didn't see anyone. Just this cat and a bunch of other cats lounging in the sunlight nearby. No sign of Selmak either.

"I'm talking to you!" the cat said.

'I must have hit my head harder than I thought,' he thought to himself while shaking his head.

"Jacob!" the cat shouted with an attitude that was all too familiar.

"Selmak?" he questioned, slowly.

"Who else would it be you idiot!" she snarled.

"That's a neat trick!" he chuckled. "I didn't think a cat's vocal cords could speak actual words! How come you're in there?"

Her paw whacked him on top of his head.

"You dumb ass! I'm not **_in_** the cat! I **_am_** the cat!" she screeched at him.

Jacob blinked at her a couple of times, trying to comprehend what she just said.

"Hello!" she shouted, smacking him on top of the head again. "You awake?"

_**Smack!**_

"Did you hear me? Or does the cat got your tongue?"

"I heard you!" Jacob winced.

Smack!

"You don't have to hit me!" he cringed when she raised her paw.

"My **_paw _**has fur and pads…how bad can it hurt?" she yelled while giving him one final smack.

"OW! You didn't have to use your claws!" he complained.

"Sorry, must have been instinct! Because this is all **_YOUR FAULT_**!"

"What did **_I_** do?" he asked, rising to his feet. "What the…"

"That's right, puss in boots! You're a cat too!"

"No! It can't be! It's impossible!" he gasped looking down at his black fur covered legs and paws.

"My, what a nice shiny black coat you have!" she teased stepping towards him and making him retreat backwards.

"This can't be happening!"

"Oh, it's happening alright, bright eyes!" she snickered. "You even have a nice…long…tail to match!"

"**_TAIL!_**"

* * *

For a second Sam thought she had stepped on a cat. The yelp was that close and so loud. Thankfully, there was no cat under her foot. But a bunch of cats did run away when this one cat cried out.

"Sounded like you got some bad news too," she whispered to herself while video taping the area as ordered.

Sam was worried about her father. She had seen that particular look in Janet's face before. It wasn't always a good sign. However, Sam was confident in Janet's abilities to take care of her father. In fact, Sam was well aware of Janet's interest in Dad and knew he was in very capable hands.

Actually, it's more like Dad's interest in Janet. That's how Sam's seen it. Lately, Sam had caught her father smiling for no apparent reason, usually after he had left the infirmary area. It didn't take a genius to know something was going on because Dad hadn't been injured recently and Selmak can cure any ailments a Doctor or Nurse might be needed for. But Sam wasn't sure who this special someone was until she happen to spot Dad disappearing down a corridor two days ago with Janet. It made Sam wondered just how long the two have been seeing each other and when they're going to tell everyone, or at least **_her_**!

"Carter!"

"Almost finished, Sir," Sam replied without turning to acknowledge her CO.

A hand reached and turned the camera off.

"Sam, how are you doing?" the Colonel asked.

"I'm fine, Sir," she replied honestly, looking at him. "I just want to do what I can to help figure out what happen to Dad."

"We all do."

"Thanks you, Sir," she smiled.

"Good, let's go get Dad on the stretcher and get out of here."

* * *

Selmak wanted desperately to laugh because Jacob looked absolutely ridiculous turning in circles. Of course, she couldn't laugh because she was in the same predicament. Ok, so she giggled softly to herself. But like all good things that must come to an end she did have to make him stop. His short black fur that blurred as he turned circle after circle was making her dizzy.

"Jacob, stop!" she firmly ordered.

"This can't be happening! I'm a man, not a cat!" he rambled over and over, continuing to turn round and round.

"Calm down! Jacob, you're freaking out! Calm down!"

"I don't freak out!" he snarled, finally coming to a stop and standing paw to paw with her, looking down on her. "I am a General in the US Air Force! I'm a father! I'm even a Grandpa! But **_I CAN'T BE A CAT_**!"

Selmak whacked him hard on the side of his head hoping to knock some sense into him.

"FIX ME!" he shouted.

"I CANNOT FIX YOU ANYMORE THAN I CAN FIX MYSELF! NOW CALM DOWN! THAT'S AN ORDER, SOLDIER!"

Jacob's bright blue eyes blinked a couple of times then he sat down.

"You didn't have to yell so loud," he said making Selmak roll her eyes.

Looking at him, he seemed calmer and that their situation started to sink in. No matter how bad or uncomfortable the situation made her host feel Jacob would always confront it. Then he would try to figure it out so he can find a resolution.

Selmak on the other hand, was actually enjoying this situation. She was her own self and had her own body. Ok, her first choice wouldn't have been a cat's body but she was free!

"I must say, you do have a nice shiny black coat!" she jibbed at him.

"Shut up, Selmak! You seem to be enjoying this a little too much!"

"And you're still a grumpy old man when you first wake up! Of course I'm enjoying this! This is the first time my mind is alone. The first time I am boss of my own body! I can get up and go without making my intentions known. And…"

"Shh! Do you hear that?" Jake interrupted as his ears turned sideways. "That's Sam!"

Jacob started to run in the direction of Samantha Carter's voice. Only Jacob wasn't used to his new legs yet and fell down on his face, skidding through the grass. Selmak laughed wildly at him.

"Jacob, you're such a clutz!"

"Selmak!" he growled getting to his feet. "I may be a cat, but I'm still bigger than you!"

Selmak stopped laughing. Jacob was right. He was a head…cat head taller and a quarter of a cat's body length longer. He even had a longer tail, which was twitching agitatedly behind him in the air.

"We should go see what they're doing," he suggested.

With that said, Jacob trotted off and Selmak followed. Leave it to Jacob to sap the fun out of everything she enjoyed. He did that a lot of the time. He was **_so_** serious! Hah! To get back at him, Selmak had told him that she was allergic to caffeine so that he couldn't drink coffee anymore. Was he ever pissed! It had taken all of Selmak's power not to laugh at him every time he would slowly inhale the aroma of coffee.

"Hey! That's my body!" Jacob shouted.

Selmak quickly caught up with him, emerging into a clearing. Jacob was right. His body was on a stretcher being carried by Teal'c and Dr. Jackson. Colonel O'Neill had the point with Samantha and Dr. Fraiser following.

"SAM! JANET!" Jacob shouted and started running towards them.

"Jacob, I don't think they can't understand you!" Selmak said as she ran after him.

* * *

"That's strange," Daniel said.

"What?" Janet asked, turning her head to see what he was looking at.

"All the cats on this planet ran away from us. Those are the only two I've seen actually making any noise and they're coming towards us."

"He's right," Sam added.

"The black one's kind of loud and annoying!" Colonel O'Neill added, pulling out his gun.

"Sir!" Janet and Sam exclaimed.

"I'm not going to shoot them…but we can't have them following us through the gate. They might have diseases," he countered shouting his gun into the air.

Janet watched as the two cats were unaffected by the sound of the gun and kept coming. The black one obviously had something to talk about, as it was very vocal with its meowing. The blue-gray cat was just as vocal but more towards the black cat reminding Janet of how her Grandmother used to nag her Grandfather all the time when she was going up.

Then, much to Janet's dismay, Colonel O'Neill shot at the ground in far front of the cats. Janet couldn't believe it! The oddest thing happened! The black cat tackled the other cat as if to protect it. Then when they both slowly popped their heads up, they appeared stunned as their bright blue eyes blinked rapidly at her and the others. Next, Janet couldn't be sure but it appeared that the black cat's eyes narrowed in what Janet assumed was anger at O'Neill before turning to its partner.

"Now, what are they doing?" O'Neill asked.

"It looks like they're…talking to each other," Daniel answered in a state of disbelief.

Janet had to agree as she watched the two cats disappear into the undergrowth. However, she couldn't dwell on the two cats when she had two patients to worry about. They were actually two very important patients who had become an important part of her life. For in fact, Janet was engaged to be married to Jacob in accordance with Earth traditions even though by Tok'ra law she was already considered his and Selmak's mate. There was still the little problem of telling all their friends and family about the engagement…or even the relationship since no one knew about it.

"Sir, if you're done terrorizing the cats, might I suggest we get moving," Janet said with some urgency. "I wouldn't want for Jacob's condition to suddenly deteriorate before getting him to the medical facility!"

"Certainly, Carter take point. I'll watch our six and keep the kitties off our backs."

"Just don't shoot any, Sir," Janet pleaded as they began moving along the trail again.

"What do you care? You're allergic to them."

"That may be but I'm not against them."

"Don't worry," he smirked. "I'll just scare them enough to puke up a hairball!"

Janet smiled, shaking her head.

* * *

"**Jacob! Slowdown**!" Selmak panted while trying to keep up. "For not wanting to be a cat you sure move fast!"

Jacob paused and turned back. She was positive he didn't hear that little tidbit. At least he didn't act like he heard it.

"**Come on! We have to hurry**!" he shouted to her but waited for her to catch up.

"I'm not used to all this running around," she complained as they trotted side by side. "I'm still trying to catch my breath from when you **_threw_** yourself upon me!"

"Sorry, I reacted instinctively."

"Pfft! The next time you're feeling chivalrous, warn me so I can at least brace myself or get out of your way! I swear Jacob, I think you popped a rib loose or something!"

"Quit complaining, Selmak!"

"I have a right to complain! This is a fine mess you got us in this time!" she hissed at him.

"Whatever you say, Selmak! Let's just hurry! We need to reach the Gate before the others do!"

Jacob picked up the pace again. And again, Selmak was having difficulty keeping up. But eventually they reached the Stargate.

"Now what?" she asked. "Not like we can dial the home. I doubt you have the strength in those black paws of yours to push a symbol down."

"Oh, we're going through the Gate!" he smirked, trotting over to the small open hatch door on the MALP. "Get inside!"

"You nuts! I'm not going inside there!"

"What are you worrying about? There's more room in there than inside a human head! Now move it!"

"Carter! Dial the Gate!" O'Neill's voice sounded nearby as Selmak was looking inside the compartment.

"Jacob!" she squealed as he butted her into the compartment with his head.

"Sorry!" he said then quickly turned around and pulled the hatch closed with his mouth. "Shh!"

"Did they see you?"

"Shut up!" he hissed quietly. "I have no intention of getting caught looking like **_this_**!"

* * *

Dr. Fraiser and her medical staff were busy tending to General Carter as they pushed him past. Sergeant Siler stood out of their way knowing how important it was for General Carter to get whatever medical treatment he needed.

Like everyone else on the base, Siler knew General Carter was an important man. He was Major Carter's father, a good friend of General Hammond and host to one of the last Tok'ra who were left alive. But what everyone else didn't know, not even General Hammond himself, was that General Carter was having a secret love affair with Dr. Fraiser.

Siler had seen the two together when they thought no one was a round. Not that Siler intentionally sought them out. It was only in brief glimpses but enough to know the relationship was anything but professional!

The two must have **_deep_** feelings for each other because Siler noticed how worried Dr. Fraiser was as she hurried by. Plus, he ought to know! Having visited the infirmary far too often, he has gotten to know her as a Doctor and a friend.

"Sergeant Siler, take the MALP and have it cleaned up," General Hammond ordered, as he was leaving the Gate Room.

"Yes, Sir."

"Have allergies Siler?" Colonel O'Neill asked as his team followed General Hammond.

"No, Sir."

"Good, then the cat hair won't bother you," O'Neill smirked.

"Cats, Sir?"

"Hundreds of them!"

"Step on any of the little hairballs, Sir?" Siler asked, knowing O'Neill wouldn't mind the joke for Siler was a dog person too.

"No, can't say I did!"

"Perhaps, next time, Sir!"

O'Neill chuckled then followed his team.

Wasting no more time, Siler moved the MALP into its storage room. He noticed there were a lot of cat hairs on the machine and decided he needed a vacuum cleaner. Of course, nothing was ever simple at the SGC for the nearest vacuum cleaner was up two levels. Fifteen minutes had passed by the time Siler returned to clean the MALP.

"That's odd…I could have sworn that door was closed," he said to himself, looking at the small hatch door that was wide open on the MALP.

Nothing was inside except a few cat hairs. But then cat hair was all over the MALP. So Siler set about doing his job and not giving it another thought.

* * *

"Took you long enough! I'm going to be claustrophobic from now on!" Selmak complained to him as they slowly emerged from the MALP.

"That's funny coming from someone who has lived their entire life crammed inside someone's head!" he countered.

"Shut up, Jacob!" she hissed.

"At least we could see in the dark!" he said calmly.

"Shut up!"

"Hey, it's not my fault I don't have any thumbs!" he snapped, then added in his best sweet talk voice. "If it makes you feel any better, I think I cut the pad on my foot pawing at the latch!"

"Pfft!" was all she said then was quiet as they quickly hid beneath the MALP when the storage door opened.

Silence was good. Silence was GREAT! It gave Jacob a chance to think without Selmak knowing what he was thinking about or putting her two cents in for once! Ah, how he missed having his mind to himself. He could think about anything he wanted without being intruded upon!

"We need to find a place to hide," he whispered as a couple of people prepared a MALP. "I know just the storage room on this level that would be perfect!"

Selmak giggled softly. Yeah, she knew exactly which room he was talking about. It was a rarely used storage room; basically it was useless space that was turned into a storage room. It was a room where Jacob met secretly with Janet to just talk or do whatever else they had time for.

"We could use the vent system from the room to access the infirmary and the briefing room or George's office," Jacob informed her. "This way we can keep an eye on our bodies and find out when Sam and Janet have figured out what's happened to us and how to fix it."

"It's obvious what's happened to us, Jacob. Our minds, our consciousness have been transferred into these cats' minds."

"Shh…" Jacob said, looking out from their hiding place. "Selmak…we have to move quickly! Do as I do! And stay close to the wall when we get out of the room. I have no intention of being discovered in this condition! Not yet, anyway!"

"You mean not until they've figured out how to put us back!" she remarked with that sass he was so used to hearing within his mind.

"Selmak, don't start! Not now…let's go!"

Before Selmak could even reply, Jacob hurried out the door just before it closed, moving along the wall in the opposite direction the soldiers were taking the MALP. Surprisingly, Selmak followed and was quiet about it. As they neared a junction, Jacob heard footsteps approaching.

"This way!" Selmak whispered.

Selmak jumped up onto a fire extinguisher box on the wall the up onto the pipes near the ceiling. Jacob quickly followed, glad he was the size he was for there was just enough room for a cat to stand. The SF soldier, oblivious to Jacob and Selmak's presence, kept marching on his way.

"Good idea!" he whispered.

"I'm full of them! Which is why I cannot fathom why you do not listen to me **_all_** the time!"

"Let's list why!" he said as he took the lead again and continued on their route, staying on the pipes. "First time I listened to you in a crisis I got my shoulder burnt to a crisp. The second time I insulted half the Council members and spent a month making amends! Another time I damn near got my head blown off because you wanted to take a peak…"

"Ok, I get the point!" she interrupted. "You listen to me and you get hurt! Only this time, if you **_had_** listened to me we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"But it was **_your_** idea to come here!" he countered.

"It was **_your_** friend who approved the mission!"

"But if **_you_** hadn't insisted we go I would never have asked!"

The pain was instantaneous! Jacob bit back a scream as Selmak's teeth clamped down onto the end of his tail. A tail that was surprising very sensitive!

"Fine! It's my fault!" he growled. "Everything's always my fault!"

"That's better," she grinned smugly.

"You know, Selmak, it's not going to kill you to admit when you're wrong or when you've made a mistake every so…"

Jacob's back legs were swiped out from beneath him so fast he didn't have time to react. And as his hind end was dangling down below, his front end was failing miserably at clinging onto the pipes. Of course, if he had human hands it would be no problem. His claws simply couldn't grip onto the slippery metal.

Luckily the hallway was deserted when he fell. And Jacob was quite surprised that he landed on all fours without it hurting one bit.

"Selmak, do you have to be so childish?" he asked, looking up at her.

Her answer…she stuck her tongue out at him. Which was what he expected. As usual, he had to take charge.

"We're almost there. Now get your fur ball butt down here!" he ordered.

* * *

There was no explanation that Janet could find to explain why Jacob and Selmak had no brain activity. Not even so much as a tiny ripple showed up on the EEG! To Janet, this scenario was impossible especially since there was no trauma of any kind to Jacob's head or his brain. And for Selmak to be in the same vegetative state was unfathomable!

Yet, despite the lack of brain activity their bodies were in excellent physical condition, both had healthy and strong life signs. The only mark Janet found was a slight discoloration on Jacob's forehead, which probably occurred when he fell onto the ground.

Janet was worried. Without knowing how Jacob and Selmak got in this condition there wasn't much hope of finding a way to cure them. At least, not with modern medical practice.

"Dr. Fraiser?" General Hammond called.

"I just finished my exams, Sir," she said, while reluctantly stepping away from Jacob.

"Have you discovered what's wrong with them?"

"Essentially…they're brain dead," she said, putting it bluntly. "They have no brain activity at all. Other than that, they are both in perfect health."

"How did this happen?" he asked in a state of disbelief.

"I have no idea, Sir. I can't find any kind of physical evidence to even suggest that they were injured. Plus, trauma to the head would have to be pretty severe to cause brain death. And with Selmak in there…well, it's impossible. Perhaps, there's something on the planet…"

"Unfortunately, a severe storm system has moved in over the area," Hammond frowned. "Jacob said it was coming, which was why he wasn't staying on the planet very long. I wish now I hadn't let him go."

"You and I know if Jacob or Selmak want something, they will stop at nothing to get it, Sir," she remarked, keeping herself from smiling too much.

Hammond gave her a look like she knew more than she should about Jacob Carter. Which in fact, she did!

"Are they in any danger now?" he asked.

"No, Sir. Their vital signs are strong. I don't foresee any complications."

"Good, once the storm passes I will send SG-1 to investigate. Hopefully then we'll get some answers."

"Understood, Sir."

* * *

Sometimes Daniel wondered why he even bothered telling the others of his discoveries. While Teal'c never showed any kind of reaction to what Daniel ever said, he always did say something relevant or helpful. And Sam always appeared interested because she had a craving for new information. Daniel figured she drove her teachers and her parents nuts asking question after question when she was a kid.

But it was Jack who acted like a kid, often being disruptive during Daniel's meetings. For an Air Force Colonel and a grown man, Jack's attention span was worse than some of the kids he liked to visit so much at the local elementary schools! Even now, before Daniel had even started, Jack was goofing around with an important artifact.

"Sekhmet, goddess of divine retribution, vengeance…conquest of war," Daniel started to explain as he took the artifact from Jack. "She was said to be the daughter of Ra. Her name literally translates to Mighty One or Powerful one. Another reference was the destructive Eye of Ra, set forth to punish humanity for its mockery of her father, Ra."

"It was said that Sekhmet was killed by Cronos when he first attempted to overthrow Ra as a system lord," Teal'c injected. "A war was waged on Pelusium, Sekhment's home world..."

"The planet we visited," Daniel commented. Teal'c nodded. "That was must have been long ago. Everything's so overgrown with vegetation…"

"And cats!" Jack interrupted.

"Indeed, it was over one thousand years ago," Teal'c confirmed, wisely ignoring Jack.

"No wonder there are so many cats!"

This time Daniel, Sam, and Teal'c gave Jack a look.

"What…that's a long time to be making little kitties…that's all," he told them. "They'd over run our planet if we didn't spay and neuter the little hairballs!"

"Anyway, it makes sense that Sekhmet would have had cats," Daniel continued. "It is said that she had the body of a woman and a head of a lionness, as represented in many pictures one Earth and I would assume the statue on the planet. And in ancient Egypt, cats were treated extremely well. Some were considered Gods. They were protected by laws. And punishment was harsh…a person was condemned to death if they killed a cat, either deliberately or accidentally."

"Isn't that a little overkill! They're just cats!" Jack said, making Daniel roll his eyes. "And we're no closer to figuring out what happened to Jacob and Selmak."

"The Colonel's right," Sam said. "What does this have to do with my father's condition?"

"I'm not sure, but I need to get a better look at that statue," Daniel said. "The video doesn't show much because of all the overgrown vegetation. I'm hoping the ruins might have some hieroglyphs or something. Besides, it couldn't hurt to have a little understanding…"

"They're cats Daniel," Jack reiterated. "Little furballs that get under your feet, get hair on your clothes and scratch! And puke up hairballs for you to step on in the middle of the night! There is nothing we need to understand about them!"

* * *

It's funny…Janet Fraiser would not have been Selmak's first choice as a mate for Jacob. However, during the past several months Selmak came to love Janet as much as Jacob. That woman just grew on you! And Selmak was just as elated as Jacob when Janet agreed to marry him. It was a feeling Selmak hadn't felt in a long time. A feeling that she had forgotten how much she missed. Which was why Selmak was depressed at the moment. Janet was upset and there was nothing that Selmak could do for her.

All Selmak could think to do was return to the storage room and wait for Jacob to get back from his reconnaissance mission to the briefing room.

"Selmak, what are you doing?" Jacob asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm grooming myself! Brushing my hair always had a calming effect on me and I haven't been able to do it in SEVEN YEARS because…well let's face Jacob, you don't have enough hair on your head to put a brush through!"

"But you're licking your fur," he said with a look of disgust on his face. "That's just so…wrong!"

"A cat's tongue is designed for this," she counted. "And it cuts down on the stink, which by the way, you have loads of right now!"

"I am **_not_** going to lick myself!"

Selmak laughed wildly at him.

"You know what I mean!" he hissed.

Selmak continued laughing at him as he sat there with his tail twitching in agitation behind him. A deep low growl emanated from him as he glared at her.

"I'm sorry, Jacob…I couldn't help myself," she smiled.

"**_Try_** to control yourself…for once! This is humiliating enough for me as it is!" he pleaded.

"You need to loosen up! I've been telling you that for seven years!"

"Selmak, I can't loosen up! I have four legs, fur, and a tail!"

"Look at the bright side…at least you have hair on your head," she countered, innocently and sweetly.

Jacob could do nothing else but laugh at her shaking his head.

"See, without me you would never have laughed at yourself," she smiled.

"Yes, Selmak…without you my life would be **_so_** boring," he smirked.

Selmak couldn't help herself as she rubbed her head under his chin to show her appreciation.

"Selmak! Stop it…don't you dare…ah Selmak, quit purring! You're embarrassing yourself!" he protested moving away from her.

"No one can see me!" she laughed.

"Stay focused, Selmak…how's Janet doing? Did she find anything?"

"Basically, Janet's findings confirmed what I suspected. Our bodies show no brain activity because our consciousnesses have been transferred into these cats. And Janet is upset about our condition but she's confident that Sam will discover something on the planet."

"That will take a few days. George put the mission on hold. The storm system came rolling in after we left."

"Wise choice," Selmak said. "Last time we got stranded for a week."

"A week…I don't know if I could be like this for a week," Jacob complained, as he started his usual pacing.

"We may not have a choice," she replied, sitting down. Jacob always did enough pacing for the both of them! "So, what do we do?"

"First we need some provisions…food and water. There's nothing we can do until Sam and the others go to the planet. Hopefully, she'll figure out what happened to us and find a way to fix us. And we keep a low profile. I am not going to let Jack O'Neill see me like this!"

"Where are you going?" she asked as he headed into the vent.

"The commissary. I'm going to scout the location and figure a way to get us something to eat and drink."

"Wait…can I come?" she asked, looking nervously around. "I…I don't want to be alone. And I'm starving!"

"Ok, but keep quiet!"

"I have this craving for tuna! I don't think this cat's body has eaten in days!" she scoffed as they trotted down the vent.

"Selmak, I doubt that! She looks like she's been getting more than enough to eat!"

"What are you saying?" she said, coming to a stop. "Are you saying I'm fat?"

"No!" he quickly answered. "I just meant she had a healthy appetite! And you are no where near fat!"

"Don't sweet talk me, Carter!" she snarled and hissed at him.

Jacob sighed, moving to where Selmak had sat down and was not going to move away from.

"I'm sorry," he cooed. "You look very lovely for a cat. In fact, if I saw you in a pet store, I would buy you."

"But you **_don't_** like cats."

"Well…I would change my mind after I saw you."

"Jacob, you're so full of it" she chuckled, knowing exactly what he was doing. "But you do know how to sweet talk a lady."

* * *

The evening was quiet in the commissary as Tommy cleaned the kitchen. It always was at this time of night. Only a few soldiers ordered meals during the overnight shift. Every so often when SG teams returned they would eat before their debriefings or being released.

Tonight, no SG teams were due to return, so Tommy anticipated a long night and time for him to catch up on his reading. Little did he know that from the dinner rush to just past midnight the kitchen was being surveyed.

A soft meow caught his attention and he turned around to see a black cat sitting on the ground near the stove. No one but Tommy's wife knew that he had a soft place in his heart for animals. He was always bringing home strays who were injured and helping them to get better before finding them a home or giving them to a pet adoption agency. Tommy wasn't smart enough to be a veterinarian but that didn't mean he couldn't help when he could.

"Hello there," he smiled, kneeling down. "How did you get in here?"

The cat meowed again.

"Long story," he said, knowing the cat must have gotten lost or dumped in the woods and made his way here to the SGC. "You lost? Or do you have security clearance to be in this facility?"

The cat backed away when Tommy tried to pet him or her.

"Ok, I'm not going to harm you…" he said and was surprised when a light blue-gray cat trotted out from hiding and rubbed against his leg. "Oh, I see…trying to be the tough guy in front of your girl."

The black cat meowed and the other cat immediately moved away from Tommy.

"I'm not going to hurt either one of you," he smiled warmly. "Just stay there…I'll get you something to eat."

Tommy moved to the large refrigerator and pulled out some of the tuna salad he had just made. He put more than enough on a plate for two cats and returned to them with a bowl of water. Both were anxious and licking their mouths.

"Here you go. I don't think Colonel O'Neill will mind sharing some of his favorite tuna salad," he said placing the plate and bowl on the ground.

The black cat meowed as if to say thank you before eating. For fifteen minutes he watched quietly as the pair ate and drank their fill. The black cat again meowed thanks but wouldn't let Tommy touch him. The other cat purred and allowed Tommy to scratch her under her chin.

"You're both very welcome," he smiled.

After he picked up the dishes and put them on the sink he turned to see the cats had left. Tommy was mildly disappointed. But he knew that cats were ok. They both appeared very healthy and he was confident they would return. A cat always did once they found a feeding source.

In fact for three nights in a row, just after midnight, the two cats appeared in the kitchen for their meal. Tommy worked on them each night to gain their confidence hoping to get close enough to pick them up and take them to a safer location. Only the black cat was very elusive and very intelligent. He seemed to know exactly what Tommy was up to and kept his distance even if it meant not eating.

Of course, Tommy didn't want the cat to starve so he backed off. But on the fourth night, he was very concerned. Only the black cat came and seemed nervous as he paced waiting for his food. He ate his meal quickly but didn't leave and kept meowing at Tommy. He didn't know what the cat was saying but he had a hunch.

"I hope your lady friend is ok," Tommy smiled, putting a baggie filled with tuna on the floor.

The cat meowed thanks and grabbed the bag with his mouth then left.

Tommy sincerely hoped that the female kitty was ok.

* * *

It was now their fourth night as cats in hiding. If not for the kind cook, Jacob and Selmak would have been forced to reveal themselves because they needed to eat.

However, today, Jacob was tempted to reveal himself no matter how humiliating the situation was. He was worried about Selmak. She was sick and he knew nothing about cat illnesses. She barely ate last night, nor did she sleep much. Neither could he with all her moaning and groaning.

Returning to their hiding place, Jacob saw that she didn't touch the tuna he put near her. And even though she had cat eyes, he could see that she was scared.

"The storm hasn't dissipated yet," he spoke softly as she trying moving around to get comfortable. "From the probe's sensor readings, the storm should clear up in another two days."

She nodded then started panting hard again making Jacob wish he had brought her some water instead of food.

"The pain?" he asked.

"More intense now," she grimaced.

Jacob sighed. That's it!

"I'm going to get help," he announced, moving to leave.

"Wait Jacob…don't leave me!" she cried out desperately. "OW! Something's happening!"

Jacob rushed back to her side and that's when he suddenly realized what was happening! He never felt such relief before in his life!

"Holy Hannah! You're having a baby!" he shouted.

"WHAT! I CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN! I'M NOT EVEN A QUEEN SYMBIOTE! AT LEAST THEY'RE ASEXUAL! I'M NOT EVEN THAT! I CAN'T BE THAT…I DON'T HAVE ANY REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS!" she screamed in a panic.

"Well, you're having a baby now!" he chuckled, still feeling so relieved that she was going to be ok.

"YOU HAVE IT!"

"It's too late! Besides that explains why you lost your appetite!"

"JACOB CARTER! I AM NOT HAVING A BABY!"

"You're right…you're having a kitten or two or three…"

"JACOB!" she growled loudly.

Ok, enough was enough. Selmak was scared. And suddenly Jacob was too. He realized he had no experience in such matters because he missed both his children's births. And he only had a vague idea about what happened. So, he decided to treat it like a military crisis…stay calm.

"Ok, Sel," he cooed, using his nickname for her but he kept his voice firm and calm. "You are going to listen to everything I say."

"ONE, WHEN HAVE I EVER LISTENED TO YOU? AND TWO, WHY SHOULD I START NOW? BESIDES THIS IS ALL YOUR DAMN FAULT! YOU SHOULD BE HAVING KITTENS!"

Selmak was really losing it! She was angry and scared and her blue eyes were fully dilated and looked as if they were about to pop out of her head! And suddenly, Jacob was rather glad he had missed out on both his children's births. If Selmak's reaction during labor was any indication of what a woman went through during the ordeal Jacob wasn't sure how he would have reacted if Allison, his wife and mother of his children, had spurned him in such a manner. Heartache would have been his initial response. But the man…the soldier in him would have remained calm on the outside. So that's what he did now, Jacob remained calm like the General he was.

"One, never. Two, you're going to now because whether you like it or not, you **_are_** going to deliver a few kittens. You **_have_** to…you could die and so could they."

"You're going to stay with me…aren't you?" she whimpered.

"I'm not going anywhere," he smiled, putting his paw on hers.

The next several minutes were extremely intense for Selmak as Jacob saw her stomach contracting over and over. Her moans grew louder. She even growled and grunted a few curses that made the hairs on the tips of his ears burn!

"Selmak, I don't think you should be say those kinds of words in front of the kittens," he spoke kindly.

Selmak shot him a glare. Then said very slowly and angrily.

"They can't hear a word I'm saying…JACOB!"

"I'm sorry Sel," he replied shaking his head. "But the kittens are inside you and they can hear you better there than on the outside."

Selmak shot him a dangerous look!

"You're going to pay for this Jacob!" she warned him.

"Whatever you say," he replied calmly, then turned to watch as the first sign of a kitten appeared. "You're doing well, keep pushing. I can see a kitten!"

"YOU KEEP PUSHING!"

Whether Selmak would admit it or not, her anger helped. The first kitten literally popped right out, head first.

"You did it!" he cheered.

Selmak quickly looked.

"I did it!" she panted. "Now what? Jacob…it's not crying!"

Jacob didn't know if it was a cat instinct or from a memory, but he grabbed the little kitten gently with his mouth and placed it in front of Selmak's face.

"You have to clean it!" he told her. "Break the embryonic sack and clean its face first!" Selmak gave him a look of total disbelief. "Come on Sel! You've been grooming yourself everyday! It's the same thing! He'll die!"

Through his words of encouragement, Selmak was able to successfully care for the kitten. Though she needed help when the next two were born because they emerged too close together. Jacob bit the bullet and licked one kitten while Selmak cleaned the other. In all, she had five kittens. One solid black, one solid white, and the other three a variation of black and white markings.

Jacob was surprised by how overcome he was with this sense of pride her felt. They weren't really his kittens. But he did help to bring them into this world and that was quite the accomplishment. While Selmak slept, he laid down and watched the kittens sleeping soundly and contently after their first feeding. He could even hear them and Selmak purring.

Again, he debated on whether he should get help. But he knew what he had to do. The situation was beyond him and Selmak now. Knowing it was too late today he moved and snuggled next to Selmak. She leaned her head against him as she purred.

"You did good, Sel," he whispered, tentatively rubbing his head against hers causing her to purr even louder.

The next day when Jacob woke up the food he had left for Selmak was gone. She was awaking tending to the kittens. The little black one, obviously the runt of the litter, had fallen out of Selmak's reach. His soft cries for help were compelling. Without hesitation, Jacob quickly picked up the baby and placed him back with his brothers and sister.

"They're all so fragile. They depend entirely on me," she whispered.

"They're all strong, even the little one."

"LJ."

"What?"

"I named him LJ," she smiled.

Jacob laughed, "Where did you come up with that name?"

"LJ…Little Jake," she said seriously.

"Oh," Jacob replied, a bit surprised and touched.

"He's all black, just like you. The white princess there is Samantha."

"And the black and whites?"

"Still working on their names. Thought you might want to help since you had no say in either of your children's names," she teased.

Jacob blinked in surprise.

"Although, I think the one with the white feet and white chin should be called Sox because he looks like he's wearing white socks!" she added cheerfully.

"Then we'll call the other three should be Lou, Joe, and Mickey," he smiled.

Selmak gave him a look.

"No wonder your wife never let you have any say in your kid's names!"

"What? Lou Gerhig, Joe Dimaggio, and Mickey Mantle happen to be three of the greatest hitters of all time with the Yankees!"

"Fine, have it your way," she scoffed turning her head away from him.

"If you didn't want my opinion then you shouldn't have asked!" he snapped and walked away.

Jacob came to a stop near the vent he had been using the move about the SGC. His tail flicked back and forth. Some habits died hard. He was always cranky after he first woke up until he had that cup of coffee and whoever confronted him first thing in the morning always got the brunt of it. This morning it was Selmak.

"Jacob! Wait!" Selmak shouted from across the room.

He turned around and could hear her padded feet hurrying across the room. He could even hear the individual cries of each kitten.

"I'm sorry," she said. "They're **_very_** nice names. Lou has a disease named after him. Joe…well, it is a simple name and he was married to Marilyn Monroe…a real hotty I gather from the memories you have of her! And Mickey…can he be named after Mickey Mouse instead?"

"Of course," Jacob sighed. "I'm sorry, Sel. I shouldn't have lost my temper. Especially in front of the kitties."

Selmak laughed softly, "Big bad General is just a big softy."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"You're a good father Jacob, you should never doubt that," she told him. "Go on, go do your thing."

"I'll see about bringing you some food and maybe some water."

"You're so sweet," she cooed, rubbing under his chin.

"Selmak…"

"Right, sorry," she giggled moving away from him. "See you later!"

Jacob watched her trot happily back towards the kittens before heading into the vent.

* * *

Jack was looking at the latest video of the storm still raging on the planet they needed to get to. Only because Jacob and Selmak were in no imminent danger, Hammond decided to play it safe and keep the mission on hold. His decision was only fortified by the fact that the previous MALP was zapped and thus destroyed by a lightening strike. And on that note, Jack agreed, not wanting to experience a trip to a frozen region again or somewhere else!

"Still raining?"

"Still raining cats and d…well cats and more cats," Jack answered as Daniel joined him to look at the monitor. "I thought cats didn't like water. I've seen a couple of them going by like it's nothing!"

"They're just like any wild animal that has to adapt to its surrounding in order to survive. Think about it. These cats have been left unchecked by humans for a thousand years."

"Fertile little buggers," Jack commented.

"Obviously there are no predators to keep their population in check," Daniel remarked back.

"Daniel, I think you've been watching too much of Animal Planet on television."

"Actually, I watch the History channel," Daniel smiled.

"Whatever," Jack scoffed. "I just don't like cats! Couldn't Jacob have gone to a planet where there were hundreds of…"

"Beautiful women?" Daniel interrupted with a smirk on his face making Jack raise an eyebrow.

"That would work. Only I don't think Jacob is interested in women. I've gotten to know him, he and I are kind of alike and I know I couldn't…you know with a snake in my head enjoying the show!"

"I don't think you know Jacob as well as you believe," Daniel smiled, then turned and walked away.

"What?" Jack asked, getting up and chasing after Daniel.

"Nothing," Daniel replied with a look that told Jack that 'nothing' meant '**_something_**'!

"Tell me!"

"I don't know if I should…if I tell you you're going to tell Sam. And I think it's something she should hear from her father…you or me."

"I can keep a secret! I'm full of Top secrets!" Jack pointed out as they entered an elevator.

"Alright, I know Jacob is seeing someone," Daniel started as Jack pushed a button. "Who, I don't know. But I bumped into him one day…the man had lipstick on his neck. You should have seen how red he turned when I discretely pointed it out to him."

"He didn't tell you who he was seeing?"

Daniel suddenly wasn't laughing anymore.

"No. In fact, he threatened vital parts of my anatomy if I told anyone," Daniel said. "You better not say a word to him!"

Jack just smiled as they exited the elevator.

"Jack…"

"Don't worry, Daniel. I won't say a word. Teal'c would do it for me!" Jack teased.

"I would do what, O'Neill?" Teal'c's voice sounded from close by.

Jack turned to see Teal'c coming from the adjacent tunnel at the intersection Jack and Daniel reached.

"Seems Jacob has a girlfriend and I was curious about who it was," Jack answered. "And as my friend, I know you wouldn't hesitate to ask Jacob for me!"

"Curious…as in a cat?" Daniel remarked.

"Oh, you just had to say that didn't you!" Jack said as the three of them entered the commissary.

"I would not have to ask Jacob Carter who his girlfriend is," Teal'c said. "I already know."

Ok, yes, Jack was as curious as a cat! But he wasn't going to admit that to Daniel or anyone!

"May…"

"No," Teal'c cut in. "Out of respect, I will not divulge such information when neither party as given me permission."

"Oh, come on…not even a hint!" Jack pleaded as they got in the buffet line.

"No," Teal'c replied, stone faced as ever.

"I guess the cat's got his tongue…right Jack?" Daniel asked then quickly grabbed his full tray and bolted before Jack could smack him!

"You know, Teal'c…I'm going to find out sooner or later…"

"It will not be from me," Teal'c replied, taking his tray and heading to where Daniel sat.

Jack turned back to the dessert assortment as the cook handed him his tuna salad.

"Excuse me," Jack said, looking at the salad. "Is there a tuna shortage?"

"I'm sorry, Colonel?" the cook asked.

"This is the sixth day in row that my tuna salad is not as plentiful as it usually is!"

"Sir, I'm sorry. I don't understand what the problem is."

"Someone has been skimming off my salad!" Jack snapped. "Is the commissary going through budget cuts where the only way to save money is to cut back on **_my_** TUNA SALAD!"

"Sir, the overnight cook prepares some of the meals, your tuna salad being one of them. I just pull them out of the fridge and deliver them. If you want, I can make you some more tuna."

"No," Jack muttered looking at the 'small' amount of tuna on his plate. "Nevermind. I'll just eat some fruit or something!"

Jack grabbed two bowls of blue Jell-O. So he had two mysteries that need solving. Who Jacob was dating and who was eating his damn tuna salad!

* * *

There it was again!

Siler came to a stop and listened. It definitely sounded like an animal crying. He approached a door to a small storage room where the cries grew louder. Upon opening the door, there was no doubt. The cries were that of kittens meowing for their mother.

Sure enough, five tiny kittens were moving about in a corner of the room crying for their mother who wasn't around or in sight. Perhaps he scared her away. Siler deduced that she must have stowed away the MALP, which could explain why the small hatch was open.

Despite the fact that Siler was primarily a dog person he couldn't help but be moved by the kittens' cries. They were so tiny perhaps a day or so old making them so helpless and adorable. He wasn't sure if mom was around or not. So he made the decision to not leave them alone.

The kittens were already nestled on a blanket so it made picking them up and keeping them together easier. With all five kittens safely bundled, Siler quickly headed for the one person on the base who was most qualified to help them. And it was nice for a change to be in the infirmary and not because of an injury!

"What is it this time, Sergeant?" Dr. Fraiser asked with a smirk on her face. "You didn't burn your hand again or smash it with a hammer?"

"Nothing like that Dr. Fraiser. But I did bring you a few…patients that needed tending to."

"Ok, put them here," she ordered giving him a curious look.

Siler gently placed the blanket on an infirmary bed and slowly opened it. Immediately the kittens began crying again. Dr. Fraiser laughed reaching for the little white kitten.

"I thought I've seen everything at the SGC," she smiled, checking the kitten over. "But this…they're so adorable. What about the mother?"

"I didn't see one," he answered as she put the white kitten down and picked up the runt.

"Well, they all appear very healthy and well fed. So mom must be around. Sergeant Siler, they'll have a much better chance of survival if we find her."

"I'll go, Ma'am. I'm sure she'll be looking for her babies."

* * *

Jacob knew they were taking a chance visiting the kitchen this morning. But Tommy, the good Samaritan, wasn't on duty last night. And Jacob was hoping the man was on duty now because both he and Selmak were hungry and thirsty. Taking care of five kittens when neither parent had experience was exhausting!

"Stay here," he whispered to Selmak who wisely remained hidden.

Slinking along the wall from the vent, Jacob approached a corner and peered into the kitchen. His stomach gurgled so loudly at the smell of bacon and eggs cooking on the stove that he ducked back thinking someone might hear. His mouth even began salivating so much that he had to lick his lips to keep from drooling. One thing about being a cat, his sense of smell was more refined than the human sense he had possessed!

Looking again, Jacob saw Tommy was busy at the stove flipping pancakes and transferring them into a large bin for consumption by the soldiers. Unfortunately, Tommy wasn't alone. It was almost breakfast time so both were busy preparing all the food for the buffet line. So the plan would be to wait until Tommy was alone or at least looking towards Jacob before getting the man's attention.

Well…that was the plan anyway.

"Selmak! Get back here!" he hissed quietly at her.

As usual, his order went ignored by her. She never listened to him even when he made sense!

"Selmak, don't make me come over there and drag you by the tail!" he threatened.

Typical Selmak fashion, she turned her rear towards him and raised her tail high in the air. From what Jacob could figure out, it was the cat's version of talk to the hand. She continued on her way and brushed against Tommy's right leg immediately getting his attention.

"There you are!" he smiled, quickly bending down and petting Selmak who purred so loud that Jacob could hear her over the sound of sizzling bacon and sausage. "I was so worried about you little lady!"

Tommy looked up and spotted Jacob.

"Go back with your fella, I'll be there in a second," he cooed to Selmak, making Jacob roll his eyes.

"If you only knew the truth, kid!" Jacob breathed to himself.

Selmak returned with a smug look on her face purposely hitting Jacob in the face with her tail as she trotted by. But he didn't chastise her. She had been so proud of herself now that she was a mother. She had never been a real mother before. So, Jacob decided it was ok for her to make a spectacle of herself as long as she didn't make him look like an ass in the process.

In a matter of minutes, Tommy had brought Jacob and Selmak a feast of scrambled eggs and sausage. He remained near and kept an eye on them while they ate. Again, like all the other times, Jacob backed away whenever Tommy tried to pet him.

"Ok little fella but I see you were busy taking care of your lady," he smiled, scratching Selmak behind her ears. "She's a mommy! You must be proud?"

"Of course!" Selmak meowed, even though Tommy couldn't understand a word she was telling him. "Thank you for breakfast!"

"You're welcome," Tommy smiled holding his hand out.

Selmak rubbed against it them moved away.

"Jacob, where are your manners?" she chastised him.

Tommy held his hand out, palm up, indicating he wasn't trying to do anything towards Jacob.

"Jacob!"

Jacob slowly moved towards the man's hand then quickly rubbed his cheek against it before hurrying away.

"Well, it's a start," Tommy smiled at Jacob. "Go on…go take care of your babies!"

They returned to the vent, squeezing through the small opening that they were able to make. Although it was a tight fit because they had stuffed bellies. As they neared their destination Selmak's playful attitude suddenly changed into mother-mode!

"Jacob…I don't hear the babies!" she fretted, picking up the pace.

"I'm sure they're sleeping," he said reassuringly.

"No, LJ's a momma's boy and always cries!" she said. "Even after he's had his fill!"

Jacob had to admit she was right about LJ. But that was because both Jacob and Selmak were concerned that the baby was so much smaller than the others that they gave him extra time alone to eat. Jacob still believed that the kittens were simply sleeping as soundly as when they left them.

Only when Jacob finally arrived at the storage room, a minute after Selmak did, he discovered that the kittens were gone. Selmak was frantic! Jacob was doing his best to try and calm her but to no avail. She was a natural mother even though she would never openly admit it. This experience really brought it out. It also made her absolutely unpredictable and impulsive.

He followed her, not getting mad at her. This was really her first time in her own body. While the transition of being in his mind alone was easy for Jacob, it wasn't on Selmak. She missed that voice inside her head. To compensate, she would talk nonstop expecting him to respond each time and getting mad at him if he didn't answer.

This time, Selmak's panicked state caused her to not see Sergeant Siler come into the room. Jacob quickly hid before being seen and called for her but she was pawing at the ground and meowing for the kittens loudly. She didn't even notice Siler was right behind her until it was too late.

"LET ME GO! GET YOUR GRIMEY HANDS OFF ME!" she shouted, hissed and growled, flipping about wildly in the guy's hands.

"Selmak! Relax! He'll take you to the kittens!" Jacob shouted hoping she heard him before ducking out of sight.

Siler yelped then cursed at Selmak who continued hissing and spitting. No doubt Selmak let the man have it!

Jacob was hoping Siler would take her to the kittens. But before Jacob made an appearance he wanted to be certain who was in the room. This whole situation was humiliating enough as it is! He didn't need to walk into a room and have Jack O'Neill standing there firing off one liner cat jokes!

Taking a chance, Jacob headed to the infirmary through the vents. It paid off. From what he could see, the babies were neatly secured in an infirmary bed. And Janet was there googling over the kittens!

'Great…now she'll want a baby! Well, that ain't gonna happen! Unless, Sam's figured out how to get me back in my body!'

Siler brought Selmak in by the scruff of her neck, holding her as far away from his body as possible. Her body looked relaxed as her hind legs dangled down. But Jacob could see the look in her eyes. She was super pissed off!

"I think I found the mother, Dr. Fraiser. She was looking for her kittens."

"How's your hand?" Janet asked and Jacob saw that Siler's other hand was bleeding from two of his fingers.

"The little bi…"

Selmak hissed loudly at him.

"Excuse, me, SHE bit me!" he corrected himself.

"Why don't you have one of the nurses take a look at the bite," Janet smiled, reaching for Selmak.

"Careful, I don't think she's the friendly type!" he warned.

"You have no idea," Jacob whispered to himself.

Of course, Selmak was tame the moment Janet was holding her. Jacob could even hear her purring.

"Here you go little mama," Janet cooed setting Selmak down by the kittens. "They missed you."

Jacob had that warm and fuzzy feeling deep inside hearing the kittens crying for their mother. Each one quickly latched onto Selmak as she gently nestled down beside them. Janet remained close by cooing to Selmak who was loving every second of it!

Time to suck it up and head down there! Jacob stood as tall as his small lanky frame could stand, making sure his head and tail were held high. He was a General and he was going to at least walk the part even if he was a cat!

* * *

Once Siler got his stitches and was sent on his way, Janet was able to return her attention to the kittens. They were so adorable and the mother cat was very attentive and affectionate. She purred a lot! They made Janet miss Jacob and Selmak that much more. They were always quite affectionate when alone with Janet. Not to mention watching the kittens nursing really got Janet's biological clocking ticking loudly.

Janet was engaged to be married to Jacob but neither of them had brought up the issue of children. Janet wasn't even sure if they could have children because of Selmak. But it was a question she was definitely going to ask.

Moving away from the kittens, Janet headed across the room to where Jacob and Selmak were being monitored. She could have put them in a private room but Janet preferred then here where she could keep an eye on them. Besides, if she kept visiting them in a private room the rumors would spread like wild fire!

While making notes on Jacob's chart, Janet heard a soft meow close by. Looking down, she saw a large black cat sitting at her feet and looking up at her. He meowed again.

"Hello," she said to him.

Then he got up and marched across the room, easily jumping up onto the infirmary bed where the mother cat lay with her kittens. He sat down, head held stoically as if he were keeping watch over his family.

"So, you must be the daddy," she smiled after walking over to them. "I can definitely see the resemblance!"

The mother cat meowed as if to agree. Then the daddy and the mommy appeared to be communicating with each other. Janet realized it was the same pair she saw on the planet. Before all kinds of questions formed in her mind the black cat unexpectedly moved and leaned against Janet. She was a little taken aback by his affection but she pet him making him purr as loudly as the mother cat.

* * *

"Jacob, I can't believe you!" Selmak hissed quietly, after Janet walked away. "I thought you were a gentleman!"

"It's not like I had a choice! Don't worry, when I looked up I didn't see the purple underwear that you bought Janet for her birthday," he snickered. "And I couldn't help myself…I missed Janet!"

"I do to but I don't go nuzzling her breasts!"

"Sorry!"

"Well you better not do that again! Not in front of the babies!"

"They're kittens and we had better start acting like cats! I don't want to risk Janet or anyone else discovering who we really are!"

"I can't act any better than I already am Jacob! **_You_** have to start and looking up her skirt or leaning against her chest isn't it!"

"I'll try. But if Jack O'Neill comes in here I'm going to claw his face if he says one cat joke!"

"He better not lay one finger on my babies either!" she said, looking at them all sleeping.

Every time she looked at them Selmak couldn't believe that she was responsible for bringing them into this world. Ok, so she wasn't there for the full term of the pregnancy but she's been there for their births and their first feedings. And Jacob, despite his bitching and moaning, tended to them like the good father he was.

Selmak felt bad for all the things she had said to him during the delivery. She apologized to him for every harsh word. Of course, he was sound asleep when she apologized but Selmak was certain he knew she felt bad.

"Jacob?"

"What?" he replied, half opening one eye while he was dozing nearby.

"Do you think Janet will bring us some tuna?"

"She'll bring us something. Now rest Selmak. I have a hunch we're going to need our energy!"

* * *

The scene in the infirmary was not one that Sam was expecting to see. Janet was dangling her stethoscope above a black cat. The cat was eagerly swatting at it and grabbing it with his claws and his mouth, generally having a good old time.

Then as Sam moved closer, she saw a blue-gray cat's head moving back and forth, watching the black cat's tail as it flicked back and forth. From Sam's experience she could tell the blue-gray cat was about to strike. Sure enough, it grabbed onto the end of the black cat's tail with its mouth causing the black cat to cry out.

"Mamma Girl, that's not very nice!" Janet laughed as the black cat batted Mamma Girl on the head.

"They're playing," Sam smiled.

"Yes, I know but she bit Blackie kind of hard."

"Mamma Girl and Blackie?" Sam questioned.

"Just what I call them," Janet answered. "Recognized them?"

"Are they…?"

"They somehow sneaked onto the base. Siler thinks they stowed away inside the MALP," Janet explained as they watched the two cats playful swatting each other.

"That's clever."

"That's not all," Janet said, moving over towards a low cut box at the end of the infirmary bed. "I think they're the first babies born at the SGC."

"They so adorable," Sam smiled, immediately picking up the white kitten.

Mamma Girl and Blackie instantly stopped playing and came to keep an eye on Sam. She quickly placed the baby back, not wanting to upset the parents. It was so heart warming to see how attentive they were. The mother was very affectionate as she nosed each individual kitten. They all slowly woke up as evident by their soft meows.

"You must be proud," Sam said to Blackie.

Sam reached to pet him but he shied away.

"He's very particular in who touches him," Janet smirked. "Apparently, I'm the only one who can. One of the nurses tried and hissed loudly at her. And he even nipped at Siler who was simply walking by! The mother…well she loves it when you scratch her cheek."

"What are you going to do with them?" Sam asked, petting the mother cat who started purring loudly. She noticed Blackie had laid down at a distance but was carefully observing Sam and keeping an eye on his family.

"For now, I'm going to keep them confined in my office for today. General Hammond ordered me to make sure they don't have any disease or Goa'uld booby traps. A couple of people are already inquiring about the kittens…I got my heart set on the little runt. He's so feisty!"

"I thought you had allergies."

"I do but I can handle a single cat or even this little family. On the planet there were just way to many of them."

Sam was instantly reminded of why she came to the infirmary. She turned towards where her Dad and Selmak were laying.

"You're father and Selmak are both stable and strong," Janet said, leading Sam over to her father's side. "I'm sure once you return to the planet you'll find the answer to why your father and Selmak are in this condition."

"You sound confident!"

"Sam…I know you. You're your father's daughter!"

"Yes, about that…how long have you and my Dad been together?" Sam asked.

Janet's face instantly turned bright red. And she had a huge, bright grin to go with it.

"I take it, it's very serious?" Sam pressed on. "It's been a long time since I've seen my father smile like that."

"You're not…weirded out by it?"

"No," Sam laughed. "My Dad's happiness is what matters and if it's you that makes him happy than so be it. You are aware of how stubborn he is…right?"

"Yes, Sam. Otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to marry him."

Now it was Sam's turn to be surprised. However, before she could question Janet any further and loud hiss erupted from across the room. Sam and Janet turned to see Colonel O'Neill approaching the cats.

* * *

"Are they looking?" Jacob asked.

"No."

"Whew!" he exhaled, flopping onto his side. "Who'd have thought being a cat was so exhausting!"

"I must say your performance was very convincing," she smirked. "I think they bought it!"

"Did you have to bite my tail so hard? It's still soar from the other day!"

"I'm sorry, Jacob. I had to be as convincing as you were when I saw Sam. You and I know she used to own a cat. So she has some idea of what a cat acts like!"

"You're right," he sighed, closing his eyes. "Just don't sink your teeth in next time."

"I'll try," she chuckled softly.

"I'm going to take a nap," he yawned.

"A cat nap?" Selmak teased.

Jacob just smiled relaxing into a light sleep.

"OW! You little devils!"

He opened an eye and smiled at Selmak, "See…teeth hurt!"

Selmak simply stuck her tongue out at him.

He had only dozed for a few minutes when he heard Selmak hiss loudly. He thought Siler had come back and thought nothing of it. But when she growled, Jacob got up and saw whom she was growling at.

Jack.

Jacob could feel his fur standing on end as he let out a long string of obscenities at Jack!

* * *

"What are you running a kennel in here, Doc?" Jack questioned, ignoring the black cat's protests.

"Sir, might I suggest you back away from the cats," Carter said, showing more concern for the cats as she moved closer to them!

"Carter, they're just stupid cats!" he commented. "I see the little hairballs have been busy multiplying! Might want to think about neutering the male!"

It happened so fast! Jack wasn't even expecting it! But suddenly the black cat was on Jack's face, hissing, spitting and growling.

"OW! GET THE THING OFF ME!" Jack shouted.

The cat's tightened his grip with his claws that seemed to sink deep into Jack's scalp!

"Sir, relax and quite moving!" Dr. Fraiser ordered. "Blackie…let go!"

It took a few minutes of cajoling but Doc pulled 'Blackie' off Jack's face.

"You named it Blackie?"

"Shh, it's ok," Fraiser cooed, stroking Blackie's back.

Jack noticed the cat's hairs were still standing on end, even his tail was still poofed up as the tip flicked about in an agitated state. But the rest of him seemed to calm down with each of Janet's strokes. Jack even thought he heard the black hairball purring.

"Hey…what about me?" Jack asked, touching his hair where the cat had his claws dug in. "I'm bleeding here! That fuzzball might have a diseases!"

Blackie growled loudly as did the other cat who was glaring at Jack while position herself between him and her kittens.

"I think they remember you shot at them, Sir," Carter said. "They're the two that were following us on the planet."

"Carter, I'm a dog person. I don't really care if they flew here in a ship! Doc!" he said as he sat down on a nearby infirmary bed.

"Coming, Sir!"

"Carter, I came to tell you that Hammond gave us the go ahead…we leave in half an hour," he said as Fraiser started examining him. "So go gear up."

"Yes, Sir." Carter nodded then left.

"OW! That stings!" he protested adamantly.

"I'm just cleaning the scratches," Fraiser told him as she continued cleaning his wounds.

"You couldn't use the non-burning stuff?"

"They're just scratches, Sir. He barely grazed your skin."

"Felt like he was trying to rip my hair out! You know I have this thing about my hair…right?"

"Well if you were a little nicer he might not have reacted so violently to you!" she countered throwing down the bloodied gauze pads beside him. "There, you're all done and clear for duty, Sir."

"What…no rabies shot or something?" he inquired.

"You'll live," Fraiser sternly told him then walked away.

Jack got to his feet and walked near the infirmary bed where Blackie was laying. His long black tail was slowly twitching as glared at Jack. The little mother was keeping a watchful eye on him too.

"You're still hairballs!" Jack smirked making them both hiss at him.

"Colonel!" Fraiser shouted making Jack quickly leave.

Fifteen minutes later, Jack was in full gear and walking up the steps into the control room.

"What happened to your face?" Daniel asked.

"That darn cat attacked me for no reason!" Jack answered.

"You didn't do anything?" Daniel questioned.

"No. I said the little hairballs were busy multiplying and Blackie flew off the handle!"

Daniel mouthed 'Blackie' making Jack shake his head.

"Never mind," Jack insisted.

"Colonel O'Neill, my granddaughters have a cat each. I know for a fact that cats, like most animals, are sensitive to people. They know who to trust and who not to trust," Hammond spoke.

"Hey, I'm Mister Sensitive…but I wouldn't go near that cat unless I had a personal shield on!"

"I thought he was a nice cat," Carter said. "He paid no attention to me but kept an eye on me as I pet the kittens."

"Indeed, he showed now ill will towards me either," Teal'c added.

"Whatever," Jack said. "Do we have permission to go, Sir?"

"You have a go," Hammond answered. "As soon as you discover anything, let me know."

"Yes, Sir," Jack ordered, thinking they need to fix Jacob quick to he could start harassing the man about his sex life!

Once the wormhole was established Jack led his team out. Again, the atmosphere was a welcoming relief to the stuffiness of the SGC underground. The air was crisp and invigorating. More so after a good rain as Jack thought while he adjusted his hat and sunglasses.

"I want to check out the ruins," Daniel said. "I'm betting there are writings we missed during our last visit."

"Take enough antihistamines this time?" Jack teased as he proceeded towards the trail.

"Janet gave me a shot that should last for several hours."

Jack glanced over to see Carter playing around with one of her gizmos. He knew the damn thing had a name but he could never remember. He only knew it was designed for detecting energies of some kind.

"Picking up anything?" he asked her.

"Nothing so far, Sir," she answered, keeping an eye on the device.

"You know, this is what I don't get," Jack started, as they entered the forest. "If there are so many cats, what the heck are they all eating?"

"Obviously, they've found some kind of food source," Carter answered.

"Well, they're not vegetarians," Jack commented, hearing the familiar scurrying sound from the underbrush.

He brought the team to a halt when a cat jumped out from hiding and pounced on something in the underbrush. A moment later, its head popped up and Jack had his answer. The cat was holding some kind of wild mouse its mouth. It took off with its kill, heading towards the ruins.

"Did I mention I'm a dog person?" Jack stated, moving the team again. "I'm not into mice either unless he's got big black ears and a girlfriend called Minnie!"

"Really? I don't see you as a Mouseketeer, Jack," Daniel snickered.

"No I'm not. But I do like Disneyland. It's a Small World is my favorite ride."

Daniel shook his head. Carter was giggling to herself. Jack simply shrugged his shoulders. It was true. He liked that ride because it was long and you got to rest your legs.

"I did not like Disneyland," Teal'c said. "I do not understand why people wait in such long lines for mere seconds of joy."

"But that's the beauty of it," Jack explained. "Our lives are made up of many instances of mere seconds of joy! Heck, many of us were created during a few seconds of joy! So it's a no brainer that we keep going back to places like Disney Land! Besides, those places are fun…kind of like being a kid."

"Which you know lots about!" Daniel remarked.

"I'm sorry Daniel. I know you're briefings are full of information but do they have to be so boring?"

"If you had the attention span of adult you might find them stimulating!"

"We all know that's never going to happen!" Jack countered as they reached the clearing. "Teal'c and I will patrol the perimeter…Daniel…Carter, you do your thing."

Like that, all joking was over and the team was busy with their duties. Thankfully, it didn't take Daniel long to discover what they needed to know because only after twenty minutes of patrolling Jack got a radio call to return to the statue.

"What is it?" Jack asked when he arrived.

"It seems Sekhmet was into punishing those who opposed her by turning them into cats," Daniel explained, pointing at some hieroglyphs he had exposed by pulling the overgrown vegetation away. "Here is where it talks about the punishment."

"Wouldn't it be easier to just kill her enemies?" Jack questioned.

"She also wanted them to suffer in their new existence," Daniel continued. "Essentially they were forced to worship her one way or another. If not in human form then in cat form."

"That's stupid," Jack said. "In cat form they could just run away!"

"It says here that they were either held in captivity until they began to worship Sekhmet or they were…" Daniel paused and smiled looking at Jack. "Or they were thrown to the dogs!"

"That's more like it!"

"But how are they turned into cats?" Carter asked. "My dad still has his body."

"I found that over here," Daniel answered moving to the front of the statue. "Rough translation is, Sekhmet removes the soul from the human body and it is place into that of a cat's."

They were all quiet for a moment.

Jack almost broke out into a hearty laugh but refrained as Carter was glaring at him. She knew him too well!

"So, Dad's trapped in a cat!" Jack smirked, looking over at the cats lying on the stones. "**Jake…here kitty, kitty!**"

"Sir! I don't think my father would appreciate that!" Carter protested.

"For crying out loud! You have to admit it's kind of funny! A guy like **_your_** dad trapped in a cat's body!"

"Daniel, is there anything said about the process being reversed?" Carter asked, ignoring Jack's comment.

"No…I think the process is permanent."

"We do not even know how the transfer occurs," Teal'c wisely pointed out.

"It has something to do with the statue," Daniel stated.

"I'm not detecting any energy signs from it," Carter said.

"What does it matter?" Jack said. "We just find Cat-man Jake, take him home and give Thor a call. The Asgard have been transferring minds from clone to clone, why not from kitty to man!"

"What about the two cats Janet Fraiser is tending to? Could one of them be Jacob Carter?" Teal'c asked.

"There are two of them and Selmak is in the same condition as Jacob," Daniel said.

"No, I know one of them is not my Dad!" Carter firmly said. "He's **_not_** an animal person. I wasn't even allowed to have a dog! Besides, he would have no clue how to even act like a cat!"

"Carter's right…that Blackie attacked me and the other one hissed at me," Jack stated. "I know for a fact, Jacob likes me…even if he was a cat he would never scratch me! We spread out and call for him…"

"And Selmak," Daniel added.

"We call for them, hopefully they'll come running to one of us," Jack finished.

"I think Dad would prefer to come to me, Sir," Carter suggested.

"I'm sure he would, but I'd like to cover as much ground as possible," Jack said. "Now go."

For half an hour they searched and still no Jacob or Selmak. Jack decided to return to the statue and called his team back. While waiting he spotted the ugliest looking cat he had ever seen sitting near the statue. It was orange with long matted fur and looked like it had taken a mud bath but forgot to clean itself!

Jack looked around and saw he was alone.

"You wouldn't be Jake would you?" Jack asked stepping towards the cat. "Oh…crap!"

Jack lifted his boot off the ground!

"That's nasty! You couldn't do it somewhere else where I wouldn't step on it!" he snapped at the cat who just blinked his green eyes slowly at Jack. "Ah…it stinks!"

Looking around and there being no other options, Jack scraped his boot on a sharp edge of the statue. Upon doing so, he felt and heard a clicking sound beneath the other foot he was standing on. This was followed by a low humming noise.

"Crap!"

* * *

After finishing with a patient, Janet returned to her office. Mamma was sleeping soundly near her kittens that were also sleeping soundly, bellies up and gorged. Blackie was…well, he wasn't sleeping nearby like he was when Janet left. Instead, he was on her desk drinking…drinking **_her_** coffee!

"Blackie!" Janet shouted quietly at him, not wanting to wake the kittens.

Only he didn't move and kept drinking her coffee. Janet had to pick him up and set him on the floor.

"It's bad for you!" she chastised him.

He simply licked his mouth and looked unaffected by her remarks.

Once Janet had a fresh cup, she sat at her desk and started working on her paperwork. Blackie jumped back up on the desk. He just sat down and looked at her. It was very eerie as he didn't blink or move as he stared at her.

"Shouldn't you be watching your family instead of me?" she asked him.

He kept staring.

"You know, you'll make my fiancé jealous," she smiled.

He meowed and put his paw on her hand.

"Yes, I like you too," she smiled scratching him behind his ears. "But I'm spoken for."

He meowed at her again.

"Ok, if you want, you can stay up here as long as you're quiet!"

Only he wasn't quiet. This time he grabbed the pen out of her hand.

"Hey! Give it too me!"

Blackie dropped the pen.

"Thank you," Janet said then muttered. "I can't believe I'm having a conversation with a cat!"

The cat meowed…loudly.

"I don't understand what you're saying so you may as well give up," she told him.

This time Blackie pawed at the papers she was working on. He wasn't tearing them up or anything. He was simply moving them about and looking at them as if reading what the writing said on them.

"Ok, so you do tricks. Now can I get back to work?"

He meowed at her and went back to what he was doing. Janet took that to mean 'No'! After a few minutes he didn't find what he was looking for and moved onto the computer hitting the mouse with his paw. He appeared frustrated as he pawed at the screen and meowed at her.

"I have no idea what you want."

Suddenly Blackie stood up with his front paws on top of the computer monitor and cried out. A moment later, Mamma appeared up on the desk. Janet just sat in amazement as the two communicated to each other. Then Mamma tried her paw at the computer. Only her paws weren't coordinated enough to do whatever she wanted to do either.

They both meowed at her.

"I'm sorry, I can't talk kitty talk," Janet smiled.

Then Blackie's face looked like a light bulb just went on and he turned to Mamma. Curious, Janet continued watching as he proceeded to drink from her coffee cup again. Mamma looked at Janet then to Blackie. Mamma hissed at him before her paw hit him hard on the back of his head. Blackie came up and blew coffee out his nose all over the computer monitor!

Janet laughed, "That was good! That's exactly something Selmak would do to Jacob if she ever caught him drinking coffee!"

Blackie immediately meowed and sat in front of Janet. His eyes were filled with emotion as he looked directly into hers.

'But…that can't be,' Janet thought to herself, staring back at him.

Blackie gently put his paw on her cheek and meowed soulfully.

"That's impossible," Janet said out loud.

Mamma meowed at her this time.

'I must be losing my mind,' Janet thought to herself. But it didn't stop her from asking the question. "Jacob…is that you?"

Blackie moved into Janet's lap and leaned his head deliberately against her chest. It was something Jacob was fond of doing whenever they snuggled together.

"Selmak?" Janet asked the other cat.

Mamma Girl proceeded to purr very loudly. Janet felt the hair on the back of her neck standing on end. Jacob often mentioned how Selmak would purr whenever they were being intimate with Janet.

"Wait here!" she said, putting Blackie…or Jacob on the desk.

Janet hurried out of her office down to the infirmary. There she grabbed the EEG machine and wheeled it back to her office. The two cats were still sitting on her desk, patiently waiting for her. She proceeded to close and lock the door!

"Ok, if anyone sees me doing this they'll think I'm nuts," Janet said as she put the little sticky ends of the wires on Blackie's head. "What am I saying, I think I'm nuts for doing this!"

Blackie meowed reassuringly at her.

* * *

"I thought perhaps they would feel more comfortable here, Sir," Dr. Fraiser said after George entered the VIP suite.

"Are you positive they're Jacob and Selmak?" he asked, still some what in a state of disbelief after receiving the phone call from Fraiser.

"EEG results are conclusive," Fraiser explained. "Each person's brainwave pattern is unique and cannot be duplicated. The EEG shows that the black cat is definitely Jacob and the other cat is Selmak."

George looked thoughtfully at the two cats sitting on the bed. He wanted desperately to laugh! Just thinking about all the jokes Jacob had pulled on him! The shoe was on the other foot now!

"So…how are you doing Jacob?" he asked.

Jacob hissed and growled.

"Jacob!"

"It's alright, Doctor. I know Jacob very well! I can imagine what he just said to me!" George chuckled. "And I'm not offended in anyway. I'd probably say the same exact thing if our positions were reversed."

"Sir, this is no laughing matter, we still have now idea how to put them back!"

"Hopefully, SG-1 has found that out. I'm going to contact them and inform them that we have Jacob and Selmak."

Jacob jumped down onto the floor and started meowing in protest.

"Listen, Jacob…I'm sorry you're in this situation but they're going to find out sooner or later."

Jacob meowed loudly again. George somehow understood what his friend was talking about.

"I'll make sure to keep Colonel O'Neill out of your hair!" George smiled.

Jacob hissed then walked away with his tail up high.

"You're welcome, old friend," George smiled then turned to the Doctor. "They'll be fine here. Put a guard on the door and make sure no one enters unless they have permission from me or yourself."

"Yes, Sir."

With that said, George quickly made his way to the control room. He was about to order Walter to dial the gate and contact SG-1 when the gate became active.

"Incoming wormhole, Sir!"

"Do we know who it is yet?"

The wormhole was established and the iris automatically closed.

"It's SG-1's emergency code, Sir."

"Get a medical team down here," George ordered then headed down to the gate room.

George ordered the marines to stand down as he waited for SG-1 to emerge from the event horizon. First to appear was Major Carter. She had that nervous look in her eyes. That was **_never_** a good sign! She used to get that same look when she was a kid whenever she did something she wasn't to sure if it was right or wrong like knocking the power out for a city block with one of her experiments. Then Dr. Jackson arrived. He had a smirk on his face as he glanced back. George didn't know what to make of that as Dr. Jackson only smiled when the situation called for it. Teal'c, as stoned faced as ever, followed with Colonel O'Neill slung over his shoulder fireman style.

"What happened to Colonel O'Neill?" George asked.

No one answered. Carter and Jackson looked at each other before turning to look behind them.

That's when the filthiest most unkept orange tabby cat slowly walked down the ramp between Carter and Jackson. This cat looked like it had NEVER groomed itself once in its entire existence as its fur poked out in patches all over.

"Is that…?"

"Colonel O'Neill, Sir," Carter finished.

The cat meowed up at George. And even though George wasn't fluent in a cat's language, he had a good idea exactly what O'Neill was telling him. Because for some reason bullcrap sounded the same coming from a cat as it did from a man!

* * *

"It's me, Sir. I know I look like I mess but I can explain **_everything_**!" Jack said, looking up at General Hammond.

"We discovered that a device in the statue transfers one's consciousness into the cats, Sir," Carter explained to General Hammond.

"Yes, Dr. Fraiser figured that something like that must have occurred," Hammond said. "I was about to contact you to tell you we have Jacob and Selmak here."

"Those two cats?" Jack asked in disbelief.

"The two cats?" Carter asked.

"Carter, I just asked Hammond that!" Jack snapped at her.

Carter didn't even look at him. Nor did anyone else even acknowledge him.

"Yes, Dr. Fraiser used an EEG to find out the black cat is Jacob and the other cat is Selmak," Hammond answered.

"Jacob…I thought Jacob was my buddy!" Jack said, feeling a little hurt that Jacob had actually did attack him.

"I guess Jack was wrong about Jacob liking him," Daniel commented.

"Oh…sure…rub it in Daniel!" Jack yelled at his so called friend.

"Well, he did call dad a hairball and a fuzzball," Carter said.

"Actually, I said we should neuter him," Jack remarked.

"I've known Jacob a long time, he doesn't attack unless he's provoked," Hammond said as the medical team finally arrived.

"Hey T man, careful with my body!" Jack shouted as Teal'c put Jack's body on a stretcher. "And don't think I'm **_not_** mad at your Dad, Carter! Because I **_am_**! And Daniel, this is not funny so wipe that smirk off your face!"

Again, they **_all_** ignored him.

"He's showing the same signs as Jacob," Dr. Fraiser announced, looking up from Jack's body.

Jack finally had enough of being ignored and jumped up onto his own body.

"Ok, I just want to say that while I am in this cat's body, it's still me! I am still Colonel Jack O'Neill!" he announced. "With TWO L'S!"

"We learned that a cat had to be near the statue in order for the transfer to take place," Carter said.

"And the Colonel got stuck with this one?" Fraiser asked with a look of disgust on her face.

"Am I talking to air? Hello! I'm not dead or unconscious! I am sitting right **_HERE_**!" Jack shouted.

"Colonel O'Neill, if you don't stop meowing I'm going to have Dr. Friaiser sedate you!" Hammond shouted, rubbing his temple.

Jack was good at giving his commanding officers headaches. Hammond was not an exception.

And before Jack could meow his protests Hammond cut in, "No one can understand a word you're saying! So, it's best if you keep quiet."

Jack opened his mouth to speak.

"Do I have to make it an order, Colonel?"

Jack was hurt. But rather than say anything he laid down on his body. Hammond even ordered him to remain with Dr. Fraiser while the rest of SG-1 debriefed. Jack was fuming. It was his team, he should be there! His tail twitched back and forth as he was wheeled through the tunnels to the infirmary. A couple of nurses made faces at him, no doubt disgusted by his appearance. Jack himself was having trouble dealing with his own stench!

"Colonel, can you get down?" Fraiser asked nicely. "We need to make sure you didn't injure your body."

"Whatever," Jack said then jumped onto the floor.

"Just wait over there and I'll take you to the VIP room," Fraiser told him, nodding towards a corner of the room.

Jack complied glancing up.

"Whoa! Nice view from down here!" he said noticing that all the nurses were wearing skirts.

"Colonel!" Fraiser shouted.

"For crying out loud! Can't I have a little fun?" he remarked while moving away from one of the nurses. "No wonder your still single!"

* * *

Colonel O'Neill meowed the whole way to the VIP room. No doubt he was nervous about walking through the SGC and wondering what people thought of him. Janet knew she would be. Plus she knew the Colonel had a habit of talking nonstop when he was nervous. Thankfully of which did not happen that often!

"You can stay here with Jacob and Selmak," she said as they neared the VIP door. "Thor will be here in a few hours to fix the three of you…hopefully."

O'Neill meowed up at her. Janet could only assumed he mentioned something about Thor.

"Janet!"

Janet stopped and turned.

"Sam…I don't think it's a good idea for you to see you father like he is!"

"What's the big deal, I saw him earlier. Besides, I wanted to see the kittens again. Anyone have dibs on the white kitty?"

"No," Janet smiled, shaking her head. "Selmak's rather attached to them…it might be her decision to make as to who gets what cat!"

The guard moved aside and unlocked the door for Janet and company.

"Jacob, I've brought you a visitor!" she announced.

"Where are they?" Sam asked.

"They took the kittens into the corner behind the bed. I guess Jacob and Selmak felt it was a safer location," she answered as she saw Jacob jump up onto the bed. "Ah, Jacob, there you are!"

Jacob meowed as he slowly walked across the bed. Colonel O'Neill meowed a greeting or something. And Jacob stopped dead in his tracks and took a long look at O'Neill who was sitting at her feet. At first, she thought Jacob was going to start hissing and growling like he did to the Colonel before. Only Jacob didn't do that. Instead he fell over on his side then rolled onto his back and appeared…

"Is he…is he laughing?" Sam asked.

Jacob meowed and Selmak suddenly hurried out from her hiding place. She took one look at the Colonel and did the same thing as Jacob.

"I guess they are laughing!" Janet giggled, thinking how ridiculous Jacob and Selmak looked.

Colonel O'Neill moved and jumped up onto the bed beside Jacob. He said something. Whatever it was pissed Jacob off. Orange and black fur was flying…literally! Selmak did nothing to intervene. In fact, it appeared she was cheering Jacob on!

* * *

Jacob had never laughed so hard in his entire life! Suddenly, being a cat wasn't such a bad thing. Especially not after Colonel Jack O'Neill got stuck in that…thing!

"This is no laughing matter, Jacob!" Jack snapped.

Jacob looked at Jack and continued laughing

"Hey, at least I didn't knock my symbiote up!" Jack said.

"Get him Jacob!" Selmak shouted jumping up on the bed.

Jacob didn't need to be told twice! Not that he knew how to fight like a cat. But he tried doing what he had done earlier and it was successful. Orange fur was flying off in chunks. Of course, Jack's fur was so much thicker than his hair was and it took some effort on Jacob's part to actually claw to the skin!

Janet and Sam were shouting at them to stop. Selmak was hooting and hollering for Jacob to claw Jack's eyes out. Jacob had not intention of stopping because it was obvious Jack wasn't about to stop either! And they continued to scratching and clawing at each until Jack bit down hard on Jacob's front right paw.

"AHH! What the heck are you doing?" Jacob shouted at Jack as they broke apart.

"You started it! I can't believe you attacked me! You damn near scalped me earlier!"

"You were making fun of the kitties! I couldn't allow you to do that! And you threatened to neuter me!"

"So they are yours and Selmak's kittens?"

"No, you dumb ass!" Jacob snapped. "The cat Selmak's inhabiting was already pregnant. However, I was there to assist in the delivery and let me tell you…I am never doing that again!"

"Jacob!" Selmak protested.

"I'm sorry Selmak. But that was an exhausting ordeal!"

"But Janet would only be having one baby, not five!"

"Whoa! Janet is your girlfriend?" Jack questioned.

"My fiancé!" Jacob corrected. "And I don't appreciate you sitting that close to her!"

"I didn't look!" Jack said. "Besides, she wouldn't even let me look up the nurses' skirts while in the infirmary! But let's get back to you and Janet…how long?"

"Jack, I'm not in the mood to be answering any of your questions!" Jacob snapped and limped away.

"Jacob, come here…you're bleeding all over the place!" Janet ordered moving towards him.

"I'm fine!" he told her and attempted to limp away.

"You are not fine!" she countered and picked him up before he could say anything more.

Jack started laughing.

"Knock it off Jack!" Jacob shouted back as he was being carried away.

But he saw Selmak had things under control as she swatted Jack hard on the back of his head with her paw.

"Sam, maybe we should put the Colonel in his own room!" Janet said.

"Good idea!" Jacob, Selmak and Sam said at the same time.

Then Janet added with that wicked smiled that Jacob loved, "I believe General Hammond even suggested that the Colonel take a bath! I'm sure Sargeant Siler is available to help!"

"NO WAY!" Jack shouted in protest. "No one is laying a finger on me!"

Jacob laughed hearing Jack bitching and moaning. Plus Jacob relaxed knowing that with Jack out of the room Selmak and the kittens were going to be safe. Janet carried him all the way to the infirmary. He didn't protest. He even purred as he snuggled in her arm.

"Jacob, people will start talking, now stop that!" Janet whispered to him when he got a little to snuggly!

God he missed her! It had been nearly a week! Regardless, this was one experience Jacob was never going to forget!

"Just stay put," Janet ordered him after she set him on an infirmary bed.

Jacob watched and waited until she returned with what she needed to treat his injury.

"**OW**! That hurt!" he growled when she grabbed his paw. He yanked it away and turned away from her.

"Jacob, quit being a pussy and give me your damn paw!" she growled back at him in a low voice.

Jacob's mouth dropped open. He never thought she could sound so mean! Not his Janet!

Janet sighed then smiled softly, "Jacob, I'm sorry. I just got a little upset that you and the Colonel were fighting. Had I known that would happen, I never would have put you in that situation. Can you forgive me?"

"Janet, there's nothing to forgive," he told her even though she couldn't understand him.

However, there was something he knew she would understand. He moved and rubbed his head against outstretched hand and purred.

"I love you too," she whispered, scratching him just behind his left ear.

Several hours later, Jacob was hoping to say those words to Janet. He, Selmak, and Jack, who must had taken that bath as he looked and smelled a lot nicer, along with their bodies had been beamed up onto Thor's ship.

"Colonel O'Neill, General Hammond suggested that I leave you in this cat's body as you would be easier to deal with," Thor said to Jack whose mouth dropped open. "However, I suspect he was saying it in jest. So if there are no objections we may proceed."

"Yes…let us proceed!" Jack cheered following Thor.

"I will transfer Colonel O'Neill's consciousness first as it will be much simpler than that of General Carter and the Tok'ra Selmak."

"You ok with that Jacob…Selmak?" Jack asked.

"We're fine," Jacob answered looking over to Selmak. "What's wrong?"

"I'm worried about the kittens," she answered as Thor was instructing Jack exactly where to stand.

"They'll be fine," he told her.

"No, Jacob…these cats we're inhabiting…they'll return to being themselves. They're wild. They might hurt the babies."

"Selmak, they're just cats."

"I've saw this show in the Discovery channel how the mother gorilla reject her baby after it was removed via cesarean. The mother didn't actually go through the experience of birth and thus didn't accept the baby as her own. What if that happens with our babies?"

Jacob didn't have an answer for her. He hadn't actually thought about it. He just assumed nature would take its course and the kittens would be fine. However, it was an issue that Selmak must have been fretting over as she had a worried look about her.

"Let's first get back to where we belong," he told her, putting his paw on hers for comfort. "Then we'll figure out what to do with 'the' babies."

A few minutes later, Jack came over to them. Back to normal with that smirk on his face as he stared down at Jacob and Selmak.

"It's a piece of cake," he smiled. "No hard feelings about all that other stuff…"

Jacob stared at Jack's hand for a second.

"Go ahead, we could always beat the crap out of him later," Selmak snickered.

Jacob smiled as he allowed Jack to shake his paw.

"Follow me," Thor told Jacob and Selmak. "Stand here, General Carter. Selmak, please stand here."

Jacob and Selmak followed his instructions.

"Now, please stand perfectly still. I will first transfer your consciousness to the main computer then to your bodies."

"Make sure the right consciousness gets to the right body," Jack commented.

"I am not prone to errors, Colonel O'Neill," Thor stated.

"Thank God!" Jacob said under his breath.

"You said it! If Jack were doing this who knows where we'd end up!" Selmak said.

"Oh and Selmak…I did kind of miss not having you in my head!" he told her just before Thor removed their consciousness.

* * *

The bed was undeniable vacant on one side. Janet felt it, testing to see how long Jacob may have been gone. A while from what she could tell.

Getting up, Janet pulled her robe on and headed downstairs. She had a feeling she knew where Jacob and Selmak would be. Sure enough, they were sitting on the floor in the kitchen bottle feeding two of the five kittens. The other three were crying to be fed.

"Need help?"

"Please, before Selmak calls Sam to get over here!" Jacob smiled. "These two are almost finished. So, you can feed LJ."

"Has Selmak made a decision?" Janet asked, sitting down next to Jacob.

"_I have,"_ she replied. "_We will keep LJ as a part of our family. Sam can take Samantha. Tommy, the overnight cook at the SGC will get first choice on the other three boys."_

"Tommy?"

"_He fed Jacob and I. He's a good kid. Jacob discovered the kid's married with a little girl. They have a dog but recently lost their cat. I only think it's fair that he get to choose one. It's Jacob's and my way of saying thank you for his kindness. The other two will go to parents that I deem suitable for them….and Colonel O'Neill is not one of them!"_

"Ever the protective mother," Jacob smiled putting two of the kittens down.

"And you aren't the protective father?" Janet joked while making sure LJ had a good grip on his bottle.

Jacob shrugged then picked up the other two hungry kitties.

"Jacob…we never talked about having children…" Janet started to say then suddenly didn't know how to ask the question.

"Selmak and I have been wondering about that question lately. Well, ever since Selmak gave birth to kittens anyway!"

"Yeah, the kittens got my biological clock ticking," she smiled.

"As long as you don't start craving tuna salad on a daily basis, I think Selmak and I can work something out," he smiled. "But that will have to wait until the honeymoon!"

Janet laughed, feeling as if she couldn't be happier in this moment.

"Of course that's if I survive my bachelor party!" Jacob continued. "Apparently, Jack's going to throw me a wild party!"

"Maybe we should have left him in that cat!" she said making Jacob laugh.

"Janet, you can be so cruel," he said sarcastically. "Besides, I can't have my best man coughing up hairballs during our wedding ceremony!"

"What, no hairball remedy?" she questioned making him laugh wildly.

_"Janet, all kidding aside, you should just be thankful you will only be delivering one baby!"_ Selmak warned. "_Believe me…one will be nothing compared to what I had to go through! And no matter how many harsh and cruel names you call Jacob during the delivery, he will remain by your side holding your hand."_

"Let's just make sure we get to the hospital when the time comes," Jacob said. "I'm not sure if I could go through it all alone again."

Janet reached over and caressed his face.

"Silly, you won't be alone," she smiled. "You have Selmak to help you!"

"And you'll have us both," he smiled back before kissing her.

"Oh!" Janet exclaimed breaking up their kiss and getting to her feet. "I just remembered, Jack brought a gift for you and Selmak. An early wedding present for you both. He wanted you both to open it when you got home today. But you distracted me there for a few hours!"

"You weren't protesting!" Jacob shouted at her as she smiled heading into the hallway.

The small present was still on the chair where she had set it down. With LJ and his bottle secured in one arm, Janet grabbed the present with her other hand and returned to Jacob.

"Here," she said, sitting back down beside him and setting the present on his leg.

"You two can wait one second," Jacob cooed as the two kittens began crying for their formula.

Jacob made sure they were both safe on his lap before opening the present. Janet was watching LJ suckling eagerly on his bottle when Jacob started laughing uncontrollably.

"What is it?" she asked, looking over at the opened box.

She was curious, as Jacob was laughing so hard that tears were rolling down his cheeks!

"Jacob, what did he get you and Selmak?" she demanded.

"Catnip!" Jacob laughed, holding up the package for her to see.

The End!


End file.
